Film Review: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
All film reviews can be found on my letterboxd.
Review
An unfortunate facsimile of the first entry, diluted by a fear of standing out. Personality dripped off the former film like fat off a hot ribeye. All the idiosyncrasies that contributed to the charm of the original film were ground off with low-grit sand paper, leaving an uncomfortable, forgettable piece of cinema. The palette was warmed and saturated, the visual storytelling was lacking, but hey, at least the music was good (mostly).
Twilight oozed distinction with its frigid palette, but this film’s coloring just echoes the cookie-cutter tones of a Walmart photography section. There were some occasional moments of visual intrigue; the periodic shots of the flowery fields were gorgeous, while the poster of a wolf on Bella’s wall was… not subtle or interesting. The soundtrack absolutely fucks, possibly one of my favorite film soundtracks of all times. The score, however, left much to be desired. The score of the first film was light, rural, if you will, composed typically of just an acoustic guitar or piano. New Moon cranks it up with a full orchestra, some moments featuring full, blasting string sections and brass. There was a moment in the now-saturated woods that utilized violins and high brass with such intensity, that I thought I was watching Edward and Bella wander through the woods of Endoor, appropriately accompanied by a John Williams score.
In short, this is a reduction from a fun, campy, supernatural love story into a forgettable 00s romance with some supernatural themes. This film further emphasizes the problematic nature of Edward and Bella’s relationship by juxtaposing her with a high-functioning, caring partner (that just happens to be a werewolf). The early bits with Jacob evoked feelings of genuine sweetness, but as the film progressed, it sat too long on the two just talking at each other. At least the bits with the vampires were still funny, even if they scraped 3 inches off the makeup in this installment.
P.S. The Volturi are cool. I do enjoy ancient, rule-abiding vampires. (Thanks, The Elder Scrolls.)
P.P.S Seriously, this soundtrack is a smorgasbord of tasty tunes.
Notes
Robert Pattinson is still sparkly and handsome.
Why is her grandma here?
Cool low-pitched auditory effect, generic sort of music.
I miss point-and-shoot cameras. Phones have ruined everything.
Awesome soundtrack right off the bat, damn.
Edward has a different Volvo.
“I’m 109.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I’m thoroughly repulsed.”
Edward in the background getting cucked by Jacob is funny.
The makeup isn’t as extreme in this movie. The Cullens are still stylish as hell.
Jasper has mood control.
The palette is a bit more tame in this one, I kind of miss the severity of the former.
Cinematography is indicative of this film’s much larger budget; small maneuvers make it feel much for professional (possibly to its detriment, makes it feel generic).
Romeo and Juliet does have some banger lines.
The Volturi are cool, I love old-ass fancy vampires.
Bella wants to be a vampire BAD.
Already much slower pace than the original film, not necessarily bad has a much different feel.
God damn the soundtrack is phenomenal.
They’ve toned the makeup way back in this one.
Jasper is a hungry fuck.
Why did Edward slam her Bella across the room?
Conflict with Edward feels so forced.
Palette is dark but not un-saturated.
Why is the soundtrack so good?
What is even the conflict? Why are they feeling weird about each other?
WAY more saturated, looks like they’re on Endoor when they’re in the woods.
Where the hell is this angst coming from? Why is it so forced?
What is even happening? The Cullens gotta skip town. The score is so much more present in this one… big thick violin section, eh.
A naked guy brought Bella home.
Fuck the sountrack is so good.
The score is too thick, though. Too Star Wars-y.
Holy Shit I feel sorry for the dad.
(Banger soundtrack.)
Ghost of Edward made me laugh.
I think I’m team Jacob.
Ghost Edward strikes again.
Twilight was funny because of Edward, so far New Moon is just like a romcom about Jacob and Bella.
Damn, what a washboard.
Her blonde friend is so fucking annoying.
All her friends are so annoying.
The dialogue/sound effects from the action movie is like something out of Regular Show.
More boring romance.
Even more boring romance.
Jacob is hanging out in the rain with a bunch of shirtless dudes?
The flowery field imagery is really nice.
Finally some werewolf vs. vampire action.
Nevermind.
Why is his shirt always off?
More boring romance. At least I could laugh at Edward with how funny he was.
The wolf tranformation is funny, at least.
Holy shit the score is so Star Wars.
Those are some big ass muffins.
(Soundtrack still fucks hard.)
Edward AND his Volvo fade out of existence.
Why was Bella jumping off the cliff so important?
Victoria swimming at her under the water is freaky.
Really cool visuals when Bella’s underwater, with upside down Edward and Jacob saving her.
More boring romance.
Alice is cool. Stylish as always.
Jacob is less attractive when he gets mad.
Why the hell is Edward in Rio?
The phone call misunderstanding thing is kind of an annoying trope.
The Volturi look amazing, Alice continues to radiate style.
It’s wild that we’re suddenly in Italy.
The score got really good for a moment.
Edward = Anakin Skywalker, so edgy.
Everyone waiting in the elevator is hysterical.
Child girl vampires is a really fun trope (I blame skyrim).
It’s hysterical that Jane just says “Pain.” and Edward starts writhing in agony.
Some more boring stuff happens.
Bella decides to be a vampire.
Poor Jacob.
Holy shit it’s boring.
Damn, he proposed.